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colorblind
2002-11-08 at 2:36 p.m. *i am ready, i am ready, i am fine. taffy stuck and tongue tied. stutter shook and uptight. pull me out from inside. i am ready, i am ready, i am fine. i am covered in skin...no one gets to come in. pull me out from inside. i am unfolded, and unfolded, and unfolding i am.* blah. that song describes everything about my life right now perfectly. i keep thinking im ready for college and im fine, when, in reality, i'd like to go back and do it all over again. not because it was that fun, or that enjoyable, simply because i fucked up so many things. i know no ones perfect, and i wouldn't fix it all, but i wish i had had more common sense...been smarter. and i never know how to explain how im feeling (stutter shook and uptight if you will) and i cant let people in. i thought i did, and i thought i was, but i dont feel like it. words can't be enough to let someone in. my feelings are inadequit as compared to others. and im unfolding, unraveling, coming apart at the seams. and i just randomly feel this way. ok, so not randomly, but i dont dare explain why on here. i just wish i was unaffected by it. i wish i didn't care, i wish i didn't know what love was some days. and im left to speaking in riddles. i don't even have this anymore, because this...this is what you want. what you wake up wanting, because you lie. and how i am expected to do this? how am i expected to live like this? live with this? and what if im wrong about love, all it signs...its symptons. what if i fucked it all up? what if im wrong...
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