|
a little this, a little of that
2004-01-26 at 10:30 p.m. if i die will one of you make this diary into a book for me? thanks. in my novels class today i found myself staring at my teachers crotch and wondering about his penis. i realize how weird this is, especially because he's not at all attractive. i'm just curious as to whether all tall men are big. so, that's what i did in class today. wondered about that and blatantly stared at my teachers crotch. something else a bit weird i forgot to mention. on my way to florida i had some sort of panic attack on the plane. all of a sudden i got claustrophobic and started crying. it passed eventually. but, later on, i was sitting in my seat and started thinking about what if someone decided to freak out on the plane. what could anyone really do? i don't mean september 11th type stuff, but just someone going a little crazy. you're thousand of miles up in the air and landing is out of the question. and, all of a sudden, i was overcome with an urge to scream "aunt jemima!" i realized that i couldn't possibly do this, and i broke into a sweat, and had another panic attack of sorts. it drove me crazy that i couldn't say it out loud. so, i wrote aunt jemima on a pamphlet tucked underneath my tray hoping someone would find it on a later flight. and i kept saying aunt jemima in my head until that too passed. i also started writing a story about killing myself. i had this brilliant idea to write a huge long book about the last day of my life, making it as simple a day as possible, but working in what brought me to suicide. i never write about these things here...the real things that i do and think during my day. i guess i just wanted to do that for once. i really do want to write a book. i'm not entirely sure where to begin though. i keep thinking that if i died this diary might make some sort of extremely realistic anne frank-esque book. but, i'd have to die for it to work like that. and i don't want to die despite the general idea this entry is giving. i guess i have just been thinking about death a lot and all that it entails.
previous & next
|
|