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on the edge
2004-01-05 at 1:10 p.m. i don't know. fix it for me. make me realize that this is my life and i'm screwing it up. make me fall out of love. make me crawl out of this depression, or whatever it is. make me smile. make me happy. make my thoughts something other than what we all know they're centered around. i know this is a low point that i will overcome. but, im not sure how to deal with it. i keep thinking about death. started writing letters to everyone today in case i die. more and more afraid everytime someone leaves that they're never going to come back. fantasizing about what people would say at my funeral. i dreamt my dad died last nite. these aren't happy thoughts, ya know? and it just doesn't seem to get better. it's crazy what you can do to yourself. your own mind can drive you to insanity and depression. i feel like im right on the edge here between being sane and, well, not. and what are you supposed to do when you recognize that and you feel every bit of alone? i'm driving myself insane. perhaps a car ride is in order.
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