when you smile that smile, the world turns upside down..
2003-07-25 at 11:51 p.m.

it feels like forever since i last sat down to write one of these. it really hasn't been that long, but perhaps so much important and not so important stuff has happened that it seems longer.

missy and i are barely friends anymore. and, whatever bit of "friendship" we're clinging to seems to be based on memories. i love her dearly, but i have watched her push herself away from every single person except will for a year. and, now, this summer, i have seen her twice...prom and her graduation party. three people showed up for her party--will, me, and a church friend katie. i called mitch and asked him to come, he hates her. and then when we finally get to talking she says that will makes her feel bad for hanging out with other people, although she admits to seeing him all day, every day. i suggested on thursday that we hang out saturday, her reply was something along the lines of "oh good! that'll give me plenty of time to prepare will." we also set a time period..12-4. i want to puke. i will most likely not do something with her, as this is some pitiful attempt to keep some friends before going to college. she will assume that this is enough to hold her over for a few weeks and it wont be. im done being the friend she shits on.

mitch and i had yet another crisis of sorts, due to our own drunken stupidity. i did something i hoped i would never have to do, and am left wondering why sex has to cause so many problems, when i do love him, plan on spending a long time with him, perhaps forever, just dont want kids right now. why must it be so complicated?

and mitch also left for two weeks in north carolina today. hopefully im going to fly down on the 1st and stay through the 10th with him. i saw that "how to deal" movie tonite which stupidly enough made me miss him already, so soon. my mom asked me today if she thought i would marry him, when i said i would like to and i probably will she said she was glad.

i guess thats all for updates.

oh my - 2005-10-21
miss you - 2004-12-12
bye duckie - 2004-11-17
..trying to be lately - 2004-11-01
guess i'm doing fine - 2004-10-05

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