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anymore
2003-10-02 at 10:06 p.m. sometimes i wonder what would happen if i dissapeared tommarow? who would miss me, or if i died, who would come to my funeral. who would regret their last words to me, or wish they'd told me how they felt. who would realize they took my kindness for granted. i am so damn sick of being the nice, happy one. i smile at strangers, and i get nothing back. i smile at friends, i go out of my way for them, and it goes unnoticed. i am so fucking sick of being made fun of for being a romantic or for not understanding fashion or for saying something stupid. im so sick of feeling so low. my cat ran away today, which is just the icing on the cake. the one thing that cuddled with me and loved me is gone. you dont know how tired i am, how ready i am to give up. and you know what hurts the most? people will read this and blow past it. wont care. and THAT pisses me off. i dont want sympathy, but dont fucking ignore me when you're online and its obvious i am unhappy. you dont know who you are, but jesus fucking christ. you're a self absorbed bitch. im done leaving happy little messages on everyones away message after i've had a bad day. no one can do it for me in return. im sick of random acts of kindness. its bullshit, it doesn't pay off in the long run. im just constantly wondering what would happen if i was gone tommarow. constantly.
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