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always like this
2004-02-24 at 9:15 a.m. he refuses to answer my calls or talk to me online. and i'm just curious how it came to this. i thought about giving him the link to this diary and saying "here! there it is. every single fucking memory we've ever had. everytime you pissed me off or made my heart skip a beat." but, after the time i spent with him on sunday i know that our memories mean next to nothing to him. i asked him if we could go through my box of things just so i knew that he remembered. he didn't want to. and when i got upset he told me that he didn't want to sit here and go through my memories. my memories. not like he's the other one in the pictures, or the notes and cards are for him, or the tickets are tickets to movies, concerts, dances we went to, or the dried roses are from all of our anniversaries, the plane ticket was to go see him in north carolina, the jewerly from him, his boxers. the whole god damn box oozes mitch. i guess i just wonder how relationships always seem to come to this for me. where the person just stops talking to me, with no regard for my feelings. maybe i just pick bad. maybe i'm as much of a bitch as he seems to think i am. maybe he think he is doing me a favor. i just wonder how he can't torture himself each time i call wondering if something is wrong or i needed something. but, the sad part is, that doesn't happen. he just doesn't answer, and that's it. all i heard sunday was how it was so hard for me, but he had moved on. and i cried as he talked to me like i was a little kid who just "couldn't ever understand" what he was doing. so, here i am. shoved completely out of his life. it would be a little bit easier if i knew this hurt him at all, but he made it quite clear it doesn't. and, just once, i don't want it to end like this.
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