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best i can do
2003-12-30 at 12:56 p.m. do you ever really want to explain something, but know that if you tried to it wouldn't do it any justice? that's how i feel right now. i want to explain it to you, to this diary, but i don't know how to do it. you know how sometimies when you know something has to be done and you keep putting it off? i don't mean studying or anything like that. i mean the important stuff, the stuff that you are too afraid to admit to or deal with. so, this same stuff is still there weeks and months down the road and you say to yourself, God, i wish i had just done it four months ago, so i wouldn't be here now. so, you try. you really do. but, you just can't do it. then you reflect back and you curse yourself for having not done it then. and you start telling yourself that it's too late. it wont fix anything. but, you know that's a lie too. because where you are right now is more than you can bare. and it all starts to suck and regression seems so appealing. and you keep making excuses, and you probably will. but, you just have to do it. you know? does that make sense?
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