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counting sheep
2003-11-10 at 10:46 p.m. this made me smile... Things never turn out exactly the way you planned. Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day your in diapers, the next your gone, but the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a house like alot of houses, a yard like a lot of yards, on a street like alot of other streets. And the thing is, after all these years I still look back in wonder. i wish they still made good shows like the wonder years. happy stuff like that. i can't stand most reality television. like tonight, i somehow ended up watching a portion of that Joe Shmo show, or whatever it is. and its just ridiculous the crap they put on television now. i'm 18 and i'm already at the point where i reminis about when television was good. but, really, some of the stuff out there is just ridiculous. i wanted to explain briefly why i've been writing so much lately. (minus the survey, that was just out of shere boredom) since tentatively deciding i want to be a writer, i figured i better start writing more often. time to experiment with my words and my feelings. this diary is a safe-haven for me and my every day life. i don't even care whether anyone reads it, it's just nice to get it all out. nice to share things, even if it's just floating around in cyber space. you know what's quite possibly the weirdest feeling in the world? blocking thoughts. because it's just about impossible, but when it happens the random stuff you think about is just incredible. to get myself to sleep lately i've been thinking about the weirdest stuff. i go through my schedule over and over or i go through the alphabet picking names of people i know, then names that i would name my children, then names of people i hate. and i just keep doing it and doing it, and when a "bad thought" pops in i say "MIRANDA" or whatever it is that comes to my mind. oddly enough, it helps. kind like counting sheep i guess? i've tried that before. absolutely impossible. i start analyzing sheep, and thinking about that stupid commerical, and then i remember an auction i went to where they were auctoning off one of those stupid stuffed sheep from the commercial. then i remember how it was for community service, and i skipped out early, not to mention eating food that i didn't pay for that was supposed to go towards charity. and, then, somewhere along this rant mitch comes up. because then i'll think about how i wore the striped shirt to the benefit that i borrowed from hannah and that was the day i went to north at the end of the day to see mitch, and i met jake for the first time, and he said i looked really short. and it's just plain exhausting. absence of thought seems an impossible thing to acheive. gah. i figured i should end the entry here because it seems like a suitable note to end on. but, see, im not done writing. now my minds spewing out all kinds of things. *sigh* i guess it's best i end it now.
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