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i dont fucking care
2003-10-14 at 6:37 p.m. lord jesus, nothing ever seems to want to work out right these days. i called mitch tonite to ask him to please return my brothers book that he borrowed. he said how he was planning on stopping by tomorow to drop off my pillow and he'd bring the book as well. it took every ounce of me not to laugh hysterically. 1 he will most likely forget to come 2 i bet you $263897369734294376934 he didn't make the pillow yet 3 i just dont give a fuck anymore. he tried to keep talking and i just said "yea ill ttyl". i heard the surprise in his voice and just hung up. why you ask? because i dont have the heart to do it anymore. his weeks consist of smoking pot, his weekends drinking and smoking pot. pretty soon this will involve getting his dick sucked or rode when convenient. i dont feel like being there to watch or help. he's right back to how he was when we first started dating. i did all i could the first time around and i dont have the energy to do it all again. id rather we just exsist in our own worlds. and i dont even want to see him tomorow. and i dont want to touch him. and im so mad that i ever decided to carry on the physical relationship with him. stupidest mistake ever, because i gave him exactly what he wanted. i gave so much of myself to that boy, and for what? for it to end like this, with him not giving a flying fuck. i think about all i did in the last few weeks for him and i cringe. lets list... **made him a video of pictures of us that cost me $65 dollars for a one year that didn't really happen. reciprocation: i still dont have a gift, almost two weeks later. the nite of one year he called to tell me he was too tired to see me. **i came to north to pick him up to come to school with me, knowing he was in a bad mood i brought him a bag filled with his favorite candy, breakfast food because he never eats breakfast, quarters so he can buy snack foods during the day. reciprocation: he peeks into the bag and says thank you and then tells me he has to go back to class. leaves, doesn't come to class with me. i call him later and he says him and his class ate everything and "thanks." all the fucking food that i paid all that money for. i ask him if he might come to school with me for my last class, he bitches and moans about it. he comes completely high and is miserable afterwards. then gets mad at me, saying hes "just in a bad mood." we proceed to fight outside the ub dorms, i try to push him into the lake. **had sex with him the day after one year despite having my period and the fact that he seems to have a little problem lately with premature ejaculation. reciprocation: i dont orgasm, he gets me stoned and then i have to drive myself home. god and writing all that out makes me want to severely hurt someone. ive taken so much god damn shit from him. so, THATS why i hung up today without talking. THATS why i dont want to see his sorry ass tomorow. thats why i cant care about him wasting away each day. ruin your body, become a fat ass, and fuck every girl you see until you're dick is one big oozing mess of sores. I DONT CARE ANYMORE.
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