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tales of a drunk girlfriend
2003-08-10 at 11:00 a.m. blargh. a bit hungover this morning. around 10 headed to larry's graduation party with missy and will. downed two beers quickly, then asked will if he knew jordan, the girl mitch had sex with in north carolina last year. his response was "yea, they had sex....A LOT." in my semi buzzed state, i asked for every detail about each of the four girls he's been with, and he told me a lot of things mitch had either failed to mention or blatantly lied about. so, needless to say, i wasn't in the mood to be mad so i had a few more beers and some mixed drinks, and then a few more beers. needless to say, i was numb to my anger, even laughing at it, by the time we left to meet up with mitch, mike, matt, and jake. laughing, i told mitch that he was in trouble. he wondered why, i simply told him he was a liar. both of us being highly intoxicated, and one of us stoned (him, not me) we continued to laugh about the situation until my bottom lip began to quiver. realizing he actually was in trouble we found a corner in jakes house to talk, while the others cautiously walked by asking if i was ok when they heard my hiccups and crys. anyways, he explained to me that, no, he had only had sex with each of the girls once, that was it. he was pissed at will for twisiting things to me, etc. etc. and it sucks, because as i write this it sounds like he's still lying, but he has never lied to me before even when i thought he did. its hard to explain, but there's this trust between us, and he looked me in the eye and repeatedly told me that he wasn't lying, he loved me, he would call all of his friends to tell me the details of each occasion, etc. etc. it just sucks because i was oblivious to the fact that people, a lot of people, want him. and not just him, most of them specifically want his penis. all of his friends always talk about how he always got the girls, one even wrote a song in his band about it. and i just feel...stupid, because along i come and he hasn't so much as flirted with another girl since me, much to their dissapointment as many of them commented on in his yearbook or throughout the year. and im at this point where i dont feel like i deserve him because he has all these other options. sex has always been something he could just have, girls adore him and i see it everytime we go out. they jump all over him, hug him, tell him they love him, miss him, have to hang out with him, and i just stand there. they notice me and offer a small hello, and go back to adoring my boyfriend. and last nite, in my drunken haze, i just watched him interact with everyone and i love him. i love how he is with people, how casual he is, how nothing he ever says or does seems fake or stupid. hes just ok with every aspect of himself, and im just the opposite. im a mess. perhaps i am still reeling from the alcohol that i kept consuming until 4 in the morning. im waiting to have a sober conversation about it all with him.
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