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goodbye note
2003-10-15 at 7:22 p.m. right before he left tonite i told him i couldn't do it anymore. i handed him my goodbye letter. he brought me my pillow and his note with it. his note is something that i can not explain.. i've spent a lot of time trying to figure out exactly what it is that i wanted to tell you in this letter. i wasn't really able to get anywhere in planning, except to the realization that this wasn't anything i could plan. i would just have to write and see where it took me. so please keep in mind my confusion as i was trying to put this idea into words, i just hope it comes out right. i know that i still love you, but i don't know what love is. i thought for sure when i met you that i had it figured out. i thought for sure that i had found someone who could help me fix anything. i was wrong, but only because the one problem we couldn't fix was me. i was the reason we fought, and the reason you cried. iwas so set that i knew what i was doing, that what i was doing to you was hidden from me. you said no apologizes, but i must, whether you accept or not. im so sorry amanda elaine for all the bad that i have done. it doesn't fix anything to say sorry, i know that. but instead of taking it for its meaning take it as a promise instead. i make this promise to become a better man. you have shown me how truly weak and lacking in character i am. i'm neither mature, nor disiplined, and i know that now. i finally see what type of person i really am, and it must change. i promise you this, that when, if ever, you let me back into your life i will be better then the mitch you used to know. and also, that i'll be better with every day. you've shown me what it means to love, and how to be real. i only hope that someday i can be your equal at either. and thats the mitch i love. and i had to say goodbye tonite, for the last time. i can never accurately explain how that feels.
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