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pessimistic hairy legs!
2003-11-17 at 12:40 p.m. today started out so beautifully. after i had finally dragged my body out of bed and made it to the shower, dressed, and headed out the door (late, i might add) i was pleasantly surprised by how nice it was outside. oddly enough, in the 50 minutes i sat in world civ the temperature dropped about a bagillion degrees and it lost some of it's magic. i got pissed off in english today also. i wrote my 6 page paper that was due TODAY, but since half the class didn't do it we now have until friday. and we also had to do peer reviews, and i have quite possibly the worst paper i've ever seen. i tried to see what was good about it, but it's just incoherent and...ugh. i have no words for it. he sucked the writing ability right out of me. so i haven't shaved in a good two weeks, and i have this nice little fur that i can run my hand over. i sortive did it to piss mitch off because i used to make a point of shaving my legs for him. he didn't comment on it yesterday, but im sure he was surprised by the "texture" of my legs. i'll start trying again looks-wise when he starts trying again everything else-wise. hah. anyways, i kind of like how it feels. and i am obviously sitting here typing with one of my legs all up on the computer desk petting myself. yep. because that's just the kind of girl i am. i guess it just feels good to not give a damn about my legs because mitch is the only one touching them and he can go to hell if he comments on them. it's empowering really. mitch and i briefly talked about going to visit some colleges together. i know it wont happen. it's always just talk between us. so little ever actually happens, and somehow it's still dissapointing every time. it seems everything with us has turned into a dissapointment. i get my hopes up, things fall through. dissapointment. i hate that feeling, hate it hate it hate it. it causes every other emotion i hate...sadness, anger, hate..all that fun stuff. a part of me always hopes that maybe things aren't working out just to test me/us. sometimes it's just a little too much for me though. i can only be so optimistic about things. i'm turning into quite the pessimist actually, and i don't like that. see! right there! everything has turned into "i don't like that" and "i hate when i..." or "i hate when he..." or "i dont understand why..." everything is negative, right down to the way i talk. that's so frustrating. (hah)
well, anyways, have a wonderful day all:)
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