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don't i seem happy? wee!
2004-04-07 at 3:50 p.m. i must have some sort of genetic disfunction which makes it absolutely impossible for me to let people/things go. now, i haven't gone and done what you all probably think i have. no, i haven't talked to him. it's just constantly on my mind, eating away at me. because, well, he hasn't called. and it's awfully hard to make such an effort and not have the satisfaction of ignoring a call or two. ok, so maybe last night i *67 his phone just to see if it was off. because, see, if it was off then that means he had to have checked his phone and gotten my voicemails from many days prior. and then i have further justification that he's an asshole. oh, and his phone was still on. and he's still an asshole. but it's alright actually. i want to go places this summer...i want to do things. i want to take a road trip with each of my friends. i want to make it to california. i want to give the finger to the new york state line and north carolina's as well. and im going to swim and take a lot of pictures and smile...really smile. and maybe somewhere in there lies my solution. and what i really want to do is figure out a way to make this writing, this style, this attitude into a living. time and time again i realize that this is really what i want to do. but i don't think i can do it in the confines of a university, stick-up-the-ass, MLA formatted way. perhaps some random person reading this will know of a solution, and i can rest assured that this diary is more than just a place for me to bitch about mitch. on an entirely random and 8th grade-esque note...i got a random call the other night. mitch was over and i was seeing him out so i didn't answer it, but i noticed it was a private number. they left a message which said this... "hey, it's amanda and i can't get to my phone right now so leave a message...I AM SUCH A JACKASS. oooh! sorry! bye!" two points i wish to make. one. if you're going to leave a "bitchy" voicemail, make sure it is indeed bitchy. not just my voicemail repeated with a few extra words. i would have given you some kudos had you mocked my voice, but you simply repeated it in your own. two. who could i possibly know (myself excluded) that would make such a juvenile phone call? i am left to conclude that it is one of mitch's wonderful pre-pubescent admirers. oh my goodness, a horrible thought just struck me. this girl that he likes (and vehemently denies liking),could very well still not have her period. somehow this throws me. that and the fact that last year she was in 8th grade. 8th grade. let that sink in. on a final note, it would make me very happy to receive some notes from ya'll.
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