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here it comes
2004-07-08 at 6:42 p.m. so, i don't know if it's PMS or what, but i have a premonition that mitch is going back to feeling like he did the first time he broke up with me. that he's sick of me, of us, of this lifestyle. and i want to strangle him. he's still in north carolina, and we've talked every day since he left, and it's been normal and good, but i just have this feeling. it's making me nautious. and im already forseeing that i'm going to regret spending so much time with him once again. a part of me really does think that this might be PMS and the fact that i can't see his face, but i just don't know anymore. and so im left wondering whether it's better to be blind to it all like before and have it hit hard out of nowhere, or have this premonition and be expecting a blow. why can't people just fucking love a person and not stop? why can i have two best friends for 9 years that i love unconditionally and would never leave, but two years is too much for a boy-girl relationship? i don't understand really.
and maybe sometimes you just need to grab your balls (tits?) and say fuck it. maybe you need to wear a short skirt and go country line dancing with your best friend and get drunk and hope to god that the 16 hour drive to north carolina this weekend to see him will be worth it.
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