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this kind of life is all i know
2004-05-05 at 10:36 a.m. gonna fly so high, and swoop so slow. you can't bring me down. i'm gonna go so high, learn to fly just like you so i bought the new hanson cd. and im not surprised to say i love it. this seems worth mentioning because the music is the soundtrack for this entry. they've really come so far, and some of the songs are just so beautiful. writing about hanson seems to give me an aura of negativity/immaturity/bad taste in music. more or less, they were an obsession of mine since the 7th grade. and, as you can tell, obsessions of mine are not easily abandoned completely. so, i guess hanson is a metaphor for my tendancy to love something very strongly for a long period of time. which leads me to something i think about a lot. are you ever listening to a song and you wish that everyone in the world, or at least in the surrounding cars of basements with computers, could be hearing and appreciating the same thing? of course it would never work because taste's are so different. but, that's when i love music the most, when im almost in tears because i want everyone to understand how it sounds. i've come to learn that these are some of my favorite moments. i am such a nerd. i don't know what im doing with mitch. i really don't. i am so attached to him, but no matter what, he never gives me what he used to. sometimes he gives me more in a different way; a place to sleep at night when it hurts to be home, words of encouragement, safety. but, most of the time i just miss the i love you's and the babe's and the beautiful's. and im torn between mentioning in and risking his freaking out, or keeping my mouth shut and not being true to myself. and, honestly, when did i turn into this person who accepts so little? because that's not who i am. and it's not his fault, so don't any of you read it that way. it's my fault for not standing up for myself and letting it become habit to the both of us. i don't know.
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