when it rains, it pours
2003-12-05 at 11:45 a.m.

before my brother called today to tell us about his car i got the estimate for the damages to my car. $2000. hopefully a little less. not the best news, but at least it's fixable. it's going to take a week. hopefully i'll have my car back by next weekend which is ok as far as things go.

my family has always had a theory that february is a horrible month. everything goes wrong in february. december has always been a fairly good month. im just hoping that december is the new february, because i can't handle even worse things in february.

february was the month my dad got arrested in 8th grade. february was the month i got sent to a psychologist. february was the month a few years ago when the washer, the dryer, the phone, and the computer all broke and we had no money to fix it all. february was the month we almost lost our house because the mortage was so overdue. february was the month the furnace stopped working and we didn't have money right away to pay for it. february was one of the three months where we couldn't afford a tv (stupid, i know, but i was young and it felt like the end of the world). my uncle died in february. valentine's day is in february. i spent valentine's day at my uncle's wake two years ago. i've never had a good valentine's day. ever. things always break, die, or go wrong in february.

i don't know. as i said two entries ago i've given up on just about everything, including my faith. im ok as far as things go, but things aren't looking up. and the person who could make it all seem a million times better continues to do nothing. its sad really that if he just called in the morning to wish me a good day or wrote me an email or asked me to go to a movie with him it would make all the difference. life would seem ok. he has that power and he does nothing with it. i think i will always hate him for that. i know i will.

oh my - 2005-10-21
miss you - 2004-12-12
bye duckie - 2004-11-17
..trying to be lately - 2004-11-01
guess i'm doing fine - 2004-10-05

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