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sunshine of my life
2004-02-12 at 11:54 a.m. i woke up this morning to two notes here. one from diaryreviews and one from frostopia. my diaryreview was a pleasant surprise, as i ended up getting an 89. i just wish she had listed recommended readings or talked more about specific entries so that i could see what people like/don't like. and, random notes always make me happy. i love feeling connected to the greater whole. but, mostly i love that there's such nice people out there who give a flying fuck about what you're feeling. random acts of kindness blow my mind. at school if a boy stops to hold a door open for me, not just give it an extra hard shove so my body might possibly squeeze through, i am so excited. it's the same when a friend leaves a voice message, or a stranger smiles at me, or i have a good conversation with someone. that's why depression is so frustrating to me. i think i have surpassed that part of my life when that seemed to be what i was going through. i don't think i could ever put myself on a medication to "fix" myself. this is nothing against anyone already on medication, because i'm sure some people really might need it. it's just, i've started to see what i label depression as the low points where random acts of kindness and hugs and love have been too few. it's funny how we all really do need to be connected to the greater whole, if only to have someone open a door for us. because i'd like to believe that there's a way out of everything. i'd like to think that a few extra smiles and phone calls is what i need to get by. no matter how low i've felt in the last few months, i am always surprised when something little brightens my day. sometimes it's only a brief moment of happiness, but it's something. i wonder if other people feel this way. if other people become elated when they find an email in their mailbox or a new voicemail on their phone. either way, i know it works for me. i love smiles and giggles and sunshine.
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