|
-
2003-09-28 at 10:33 a.m. so i was talking with tony last night, because we're in similar situations with life right now. and, we both agree that mitchs was just the final straw in everything blowing up in my face. every other aspect of life just hadn't been working out...school, friends, family...he was the adhesive holding it together. and when he left, although it would have hurt under any circumstance, i literally crumble. and, so we all understand, i haven't yet found a way to cope with it all. i dont talk to many people about it, because that's annoying and it usually makes it worse when i say it all out loud. i dont sit here and write this in hopes that you find a way to cheer me up, or that you have a solution. this is just my only outlet right now. im pretending like everything is fine in every other way. so, dont come back and read for a few solid weeks if this isn't something you want to listen to. it's my diary. my heartbreak. he comes home sometime today. i dont expect a call, and im not even sure i expect a call tommarow. do you know what it feels like to be someone's entire life one day and just a friend the next? i dont think anything has ever hurt so much. i guess this all would have happened eventually, but why at the beginning of my freshmen year of college, when everything is a shambles? god, this just hurts. it will get better, i know it will. i learned that from steve and craig and any other relationship. it always seems like the end of the world to me, but there's always beens something better waiting around the corner. each time i tell myself that i will never find another person i can be comfortable with, who will understand me so well, who will love me. each time i find someone. this offers me a small condolence. but, something about mitch and i seems different than the other relationships. maybe i said that every time, i dont remember. i just want to be do ne healing. but, what i really want is to go back to how its been for a year. i want to be with mitch. it's just not going to happen, and im going to continue getting hurt by him. nothing, nothing in the world feels like this does.
previous & next
|
|