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fuck you out the back window
2004-03-23 at 9:51 p.m. what the fuck is wrong with me? really? why can't i get over things? why can't people let me let go? why does he have to say he called right after school because he wanted to be a good boyfriend? why did he have to say boyfriend? and why did he have to say he was excited to see me? why did he not call tonight? why does it all melt away and mean nothing when my stupid fucking fuga ring tone comes on and the screan flashes Mitch? i am so fucking sick of it. i want to be in control of my own god damn life. my period should be coming and i am having the worst case of PMS i have probably ever had. and why do i always have to have three times as much work to do when im about to start my period and when im on it? i just want to be in control of my own life. that's it. if that means erasing my memory, then do it. wipe it clean. i don't want to know. more than anything i hate being home. i hate buffalo and this horrible weather. i need a permanent vacation to florida. i need to be hundreds of miles away from it all. i needed my friends to backstab me so that i don't care about leaving. you know what i need the most? one god damn person with balls and a car that runs better than mine who will pick up all there shit and leave. you can think i wouldn't do it, but i would. in an instant. i'm not going to be 80, or even 22, regretting that i blew off a week or two of college. im sure whatever i gain from a FUCK EVERYTHING road trip is a lot more important than greek mythology and moll flanders. my car wont get me there. i can't drive on the highway. would someone grab their balls and go with me? someone i can remotely stand? someone who will dump me out into a deserted field if i ask for it? why is college so fucking important to everyone? it's a means to an end that we're all going to hate for the most part. why is life so structured? WHY? when im 80 im going to be telling the same damn story as everyone else. maybe the lesson here is to do it on my own. pack up, give you all the finger, and leave.
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