the sun dont shine
2004-03-21 at 5:49 p.m.

so i'm home. i've just woken up from an 11 hour nap and i still feel dead. i also feel like i am not in my own body and that i can't figure out my own emotions. i figure this is from sleeping, at most, 4 hours each night, and drinking and smoking more than i ever have for 6 nights.

the trip was fun. right now i can't really sum it up for you, because it's all one big mush. missy and i ended up not speaking to each other for the last two days because she never came home one night and fucked a guy on the beach. not just any guy though, the one i wanted to get with. she also hooked up with the boy melissa wanted to get with. actually, none of us really talked to her for the last two days. i don't even really know what to say about that matter besides she's a huge bitch. the second we "claimed" the guys we wanted to hook up with, missy went to work. how you can do that is beyond me. bitch bitch bitch.

mostly i just feel out of it and sad. i didn't think about mitch all week, or anything else that bothers me for that matter. but the closer we got to buffalo on the bus home, the more it upset me. out of sight, out of mind i guess. maybe this will be enough to push me out of here. because, my friends suck, my guy situation sucks, i suck, the weather sucks, my outlook sucks.

my parents went into the restaurant where adam works last night. my brother called and he said to tell him hi. he made my family an awesome dinner, and then brought them out a huge serving of lasagna to give to me when i get back because i love it and he knew i'd be eating junk food the whole trip. this after i blew him off completely the day before i left. i will never understand why i can't love him instead of mitch. because, he makes it easy for me, mitch doesn't. but the mind (heart?) is a fickle thing. ok, im fickle.

oh my - 2005-10-21
miss you - 2004-12-12
bye duckie - 2004-11-17
..trying to be lately - 2004-11-01
guess i'm doing fine - 2004-10-05

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