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birthday imagination and such
2003-11-03 at 12:24 p.m. i wanna float higher above waves of electric wires, and stare down onto the street. i see a drunk with kiln glazed eyes, telling me about the girl i should meet some day. i will carry you. ~dispath, carry you its such a gloomy looking day out today. when i woke up my mom was happily looking out the window telling me that this is exactly how it looked when i was born. she said the trees looked black, but the leaves were all bright and orange. whenever it looks like this she says she thinks of me. that made me laugh a bit, because it all looked pretty unpleasant to me. but i guess the day i was born on represents me. i don't think i would have been happy to find i had been born on a beautiful day. i came into this world on a very boring and gloomy november the 4th. i kind of like it that way. im finally 18 tommorow. huh. it's funny because throughout the day im constantly thinking of witty things, sad things, happy things to say in here, but when it comes to it i go blank. my brain is constantly in "dear diary" mode. i think it saves me a lot of time in every day "non-diary" life. its easier to form my thoughts around how i would write them rather then just thinking...if that makes sense to anyone. i've always been partial to writing. it seems safer to me. not to say i can't carry on a normal conversation, i just find that writing has always gotten my thoughts across clearer. which leaves me wondering how much went on in my little mind before i could write or form a good sentence. i have such a jumble of little kid memories. i never seem to remember the important stuff, just meaningless little memories. i remember how andrea walsh's face looked after she puked in second grade. in fact, oddly enough, that is probably my most vivid memory of much of elementary school. and not because throw up thoroughly grossed me out (it does now) or that i didn't like her or that it was anything that weird. i just remember it in so much detail. i can still see her little pale face. i didn't gawk at her, i just sort of etched it into my memory. and i don't think of it when i see her or anything, it just crosses my mind randomly. isn't that weird? i remember the weirdest shit. i was such an imaginative little kid. i guess that could be said for any kid, but it was still just so much fun. i kept myself busy for hours at a time without much of anything. and now im just this semi grown up person, home between classes at college, typing in an online diary. my imagination isn't half as wild. huh.
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