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blargh!!
2003-09-01 at 7:40 p.m. i realized today how truly horrible my study habits are. i am so amazingly lazy. but, if i actually get myself to sit down and do something, im usually fine and i get a lot done. its just getting to that point that's hard for me. i guess through the years i let myself not care so much by telling myself that once i got to college i would do what i had to do, and try hard. i guess old habits die hard. tommarow is, thank god, an easy day. just one class at 11. but, this is the day where i have to park way out in butt fuck no where and walk to my class. its such a cool class though. its an intro to sociology class with 451 (!!) people in it. it actually uses the same text book from my soc class in high school. but, the thing with my high school class was that we barely read the book, mostly just did little projects and such. with this course we have to actually read the book and then take notes on an hour and a half long lecture. originally this intimidated me, but the profesor is just so cool and so hilarious. i just found a cd i had made for steve when we broke up. the songs are mostly very cheesy "take me back" songs, but ones i haven't heard in a while. isn't it amazing how life has a way of working out, a way of making up for everything you've lost. when i listen to the songs i chose i remember the emptiness and the pain i felt during that part of my life. and i still remember that time as being an eternity, but 3 months later i had already found something new. and finding that new thing is just so incredible. i love that feeling. each day things start getting a little bit better. you look forward to the idea that he might kiss you, and meeting his friends or a family member for the first time, being so nervous about what you're going to wear, the long phone conversations where you try to figure out exactly who the person is. and then the amazement of looking back at it all months and months down the road. remembering just how it felt during that first phone call, the excitement and anticipation of it all. the healing. and then there's the fact that you're ex boyfriend decides to bother you and piss the fuck out of you, like right now. and he still has the power to blow your whole night.
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