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fate or no?
2003-11-19 at 6:04 p.m. i am such a believer in omens and fate. or maybe i just say that i am. i haven't decided yet. i constantly teeter-totter (weeee!) between these two extremes. fate and you-cant-do-jack-shit-get-a-helmet-bitch. the reason for these thoughts you ask? talked to mitch (saw that one coming, didn't ya?) last night for a good 2 and a half hours. played my cards well. said what needed to be said. things made sense, as usual, and it was ok. i wont go into details because it isn't really necesary. but, i started to tell him i didn't know how i felt anymore just to see his reaction. i didn't really think i felt that way. but once it was all out there in the open it started to make some sense. but, at the same time, the things he had to say were like they used to be, and it made me so overly happy. it's the two extreme's thing again. but, anyways, last night, for the most part, i felt really content with it all. not together, but not apart. same as always, but i usually need a reminder here or there. we made plans to go to the fish store today, but he called my phone during class to tell me he got called in for community service. so, he invites me to come visit him at this elementary school book fair. i, stupidly enough, went. not the ideal way to see someone after a huge disertation. little kids running all over the place, people asking questions, some girl from his school staring at us (she was nice. in no way threatening, just really frickin' creepy...), and of course book selling. awkward to say the least. i just didn't like it. and now, finally, to tie this all in with my initial point... do i take all of these run-in's with back luck we seem to have as a bad omen? i mean, things just don't seem to go according to plan with us. but, then again, maybe it's good that things are unpredictable or un-structured? yes?? and maybe i should just stop over-analyzing. that was a big chunk of our conversation last nite...just letting things happen. he said he gets frustrated with me constantly questioning his feelings, when we used to just trust each other and trust how we felt. i honestly think i just scare the living crap out of him sometimes. moving on though. today was a blah day. i am not feeling the greatest, and staying awake today was a real challenge. and the work load is ridiculous will finals and all that coming up. heh. there really wasn't much to my day.
ah, i forgot to add that i opened my old diary back up. if you happen to stumble upon it realize i was apparently a very stuck-up sophomore in high school. the last entry i wrote is just ridiculous. in fact i recommend reading it if you need a good laugh or someone to poke fun at. i didn't even realize i had that attitude in high school. i apologize.
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