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fragile
2004-01-09 at 9:22 p.m. a boy died yesterday who was a senior at mitch's school. i have yet to talk to mitch, but, once again, i am reminded of how fragile life is. he was perfectly healthy, never smoked, drank, or used drugs. he was running on a treadmil at the gym and collapsed. he had a heart attack and died. and it reminded me of ali. the absolute shock over someone so healthy and so young dying so suddenly. the effects of such deaths go so far beyond losing a friend or a face in the hallway. you lose some of that youthful untouchability. death is still so foreign to us, and to lose "one of our own" seems rather unbarable. and we are of course selfish. we think, whether we voice it or not, "that could be me." reality at our age seems so damn unappealing. death is reserved for grandparents and great aunt's. when it hits closer to home, closer to our age, it is so hard to grasp and accept. it's personal. and i feel empty and selfish. when i heard the funeral was on monday, i knew mitch would have a bit of extra time to see me. and, then i realized between work and the wakes i wouldn't be able to talk to him about going to his sadie hawkin's dance. he might find a date in between now and then. i guess i just needed to write that here as a confession. im only hoping that other people have had similar thoughts and i am not simply a selfish bitch.
did i ever tell you that it all seems ok when i write? because it does. i can handle things because there they are. my thoughts. but sometimes i neglect to type about reality and the truth slips between the sentences. this is completely unrealted to the rest of the entry (or i think it is) ... just a thought in my mind.
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