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inability to function
2004-01-22 at 4:44 p.m. i have forgotten how to flirt. how pitiful is that? i wish i could let out the bitterness that i feel. this diary doesn't do my anger and hurt justice. i am so close to "the edge" right now that it's just ridiculous. i need a phone call in order to do my homework for christ's sake. hell, i need that phone call to function. what is going on with me? really, what is it? this is getting old. im getting old. i don't even know how to function anymore, and how sad is that? i have reached my lowest point. i want to say it can only be up from here, but i have dug to the very center of the earth, straight down, and there's no climbing back up. there is however analyzing and going crazy as i pace in my little hole. and if someone could just make it easy for me right now, i would be so greatful. this is obviously not an option, nor would i ever expect it to be. why can't i fix myself? when did i become so weak that i can't even control the simplest of things? my biggest fear? that this will remain until i find the next best thing. i will never be ok being single. i will never be enough for myself. people will continue to leave me and i will mourn and be pitiful, but never truly get over any of it. i have so much homework that needs to be done.
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