|
goodbye letter
2003-10-01 at 7:41 p.m. firstly, carolyn, i loved your entry about love. you are inciteful and wise. *claps* i've been working ever since i got home from school at 5ish. I never do that. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my easy days, just one class, so I never do work the night before. Tonight I did and I'm pleasantly surprised at how much I got accomplished, and how happy I'm going to be tommarow when I have half as much to do. whew! its staying busy that keeps me sane these days. i wrote my goodbye letter to mitch today, and i was pleasantly surprised with myself. instead of reminising about every little thing or making him feel, i simply told him the things i hope for, for him. i wanted to post a bit of it...ok, well most of it... But, more importantly than what I�ll miss, there are so many things that I hope and pray for for you. I hope you never forget the few things I may have said to comfort you. Don�t forget how it felt to fall in love and finally give yourself to someone who was around to return it. I hope that every once in a while I will be the first thing you see when you close your eyes. I pray that you make mistakes, but never have regrets. I pray that you will go the places you want to go, and never lose sight of them. You can do anything you want. I pray that whoever you marry makes you the happiest man alive, and you fall head over heels in love with your little children. Keep teaching people. Never stop smiling with your mouth wide open. Smile at the rain, the sun, anything that you would be tempted to overlook. Listen to country every once in a while. Continue being late, it�s who you are, but apologize each time you are. I hope when you see a platypus or make french toast that you�ll think of me. Never stop dancing weirdly. Never doubt yourself, but if you do, know that you�ll never be given more than you can handle. Life has a way of working things out for you. I pray that some day you will quit smoking, but for yourself, not anyone else. And I hope when it happens your real friends are still there. Those, Mitch, are your true friends. Not the ones who weren�t around when you stopped. Never forget how that happened, or lead yourself to believe it won�t happen again. I hope that you feel heartbreak just enough so that you can experience all the joy of finding someone that will never hurt you. I hope you realize that that person is me. And, if it isn�t, I hope you find someone who loves you just as much as I did as a na�ve 16 year old. I pray that you keep yourself safe and smile regularly. I pray that this hurts enough to make you understand what love is, but leaves you wanting more. Know that I will always be here, somewhere. When something amazing happens, do not hesitate to find me and tell me. When something bad happens know that I am already there, or on my way. Call me if I somehow got lost. Contact me if you need something; never hesitate to let me help if you need me. I wish you happiness that exceeds anything you can imagine. Keep buying fish. Indulge in your baby puppies kisses. Drive your car somewhere and get out and run, because you know it�s something I would love to hear of you doing someday. Stay close to your sister and the rest of your family. Hug your parents for me. Once in a while look through your box and smile at an old card or picture. Keep one picture of us somewhere where you will come across it every once in a while and remember. Enjoy your senior year and your first years of college. Go where you want to go, and leave if it makes you unhappy. Always do what makes you happy, not what is expected of you. Make mistakes, millions of them, and learn from them. Never think that you screwed something up so badly that it�s beyond repair. If you�re ever sad, remember that I love you. If a day goes bad, realize there are worse things in life, and, again, you will never be given more than you can handle. Take deep breaths and admire something simple like the snow outside or the way your bed feels. Allow yourself that time to reconsider. Never become so overwhelmed with something that you feel stuck. When you become stressed, feel your pulse and take deep breaths until it slows. Remember trying to synchronize our breathing when I was upset. Attempt to change things that you disagree with, and if you fail to do so, know that it did not have the capacity to change you. You have endless possibilities. And if you wake up one day wondering what I�m doing know that I�m probably thinking the same. And if you should wake up one day wanting to try again, find me. We are never really apart. Realize that five years from now I may appear on your doorstep wanting a hug. Know that if we are meant to be, we will find our way back to each other. I love you, and goodbye. and it was funny, because as i wrote it i realized i was writing a lot of it to myself, to my friends, to my family. to anyone i may love somewhere down the road. i have grown and learned, and its time for me to let go. i learned from him, he learned from me. we will always love each other, and i find some comfort in that. growing up really really hurts.
previous & next
|
|