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you make it hard to breath
2003-10-20 at 9:17 a.m. i made it so that you can leave me notes now:) so, ya know, leave some notes...make me smile. i get emails when someone signs, and we all know how much i love emails! i gave in and called mitch last nite. yes ma'am. im now officially the neurotic ex-girlfriend. he couldn't talk long since it was late, he had just gotten home from 9 1/2 hours of work (illegal!!), and had homework to do. i understood. (hows that for unpredictable?) he told me that we need to have a talk about "things", and if i "decided to call tomorow" we could have this talk about these things. i had a nightmare about him last night. he was dating some girl named taylor a few days after we broke up, behind my back(a-la steve). he was having a party at his house and one of his friends told me, and i kept trying to yell at him but his puppy kept getting in the way. and i just woke up so pissed off at him, all hot and sweaty and clinging to the body pillow he gave me. i wanted to rip the stuffing out of it. but see, i know that if someway, somehow we got back together it wouldn't be good for me. unless, somehow, he returned back to the mitch he was months and months ago. the chances of this? very very small. and i've always been one to think that it never quite works when you go back. no matter how wonderful it was up until the breakup, you're still left with how it felt when they did it the first time. the thought of going through it all again is far too much for me to bare. the only way it could work in my mind is if he gave one of those movie speeches about how he lost me once, and he can't stand to have it happen again. cant live without me. needs me. was a fool to leave me. *down on one knee, huge rock in the box* yea. that type of thing. he just makes me feel inferior and unhappy, which is ridiculous because so many other people make me feel just the opposite. still, i cling to him. God help all of us hopeless romantics out there. anyways, im off to more classes...argh. im sure i will write again to tell you of the disastrous conversation we will most likely have.
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