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love me still!
2003-10-20 at 9:36 p.m. much love to the two of your who wrote me notes:) i was so excited. im such a geek. i get so happy over the littlest things. so it makes me feel bad to write an entry that im assuming will dissapoint some of you. i saw mitch tonight. *gasp* it was very friendly and normal. we actually just went to the jewish center and worked out together, which was actually really fun. it felt so so good to be working out again. it was also cool to just be hanging out with him in such a different atmosphere. no awkwardness, no hooking up, no nothing. and he did an "old school mitch" move tonight which surprised me. as we were leaving he reached into his pocket and pulled out a movie ticket stub and smiled all big and handed it to me. it was from a movie that he thought we saw in north carolina. i didn't actually see the movie with him, it was before i got there, so he seemed dissapointed. and he says to me, "i just wanted to give it to you and be like...'remember when we went to north carolina?'" and that made me so content, because thats normal. and he was all holding doors open and carrying my purse and what not. i think he's begun to realize the smallest actions can repair where he's fucked up. i feel stupid after everything i wrote here though. i know its hypocritical. but, i dont really know any other way. and tonight just went so well that i cant just accept how things were. and he was just so happy to be with me, and i was being so goofy and genuinely happy. and he said something tonight that was...well i dont know what it was. i was telling him how this weekend i was drunk and by his sisters apartment. i thought about stopping by, but, being a semi-smart drunk, changed my mind. he started laughing and said "she would have called me and been like 'mitch, your girlfriend is crazy!'" girlfriend people. girlfriend i waited for him to correct himself, but he didn't. now, im not crazy, i know we're not still together in any way or shape or form. it was just comforting, because anytime i've mentioned him in conversation (like "oh, my boyfriend loves that band") lately, i've always said my boyfriend. it felt nice to know that he says it too. now, i am going to stop discussing this topic, because its tired and overtalked about as is! school is a bit crazy right now. just took all these tests and i dont have any idea how i did. midterm week is supposed to be "hell week" and i just kind of coasted along. i've never been one to flip out about much of any exam. so, i have the feeling i didn't do good. at all. i wish i had that sideways smiley face from AIM to use on here. you know the one. thats the face im making right now. speaking of faces. mine is beet red. so much for tanning in buffalo in the middle of the winter. you stick out like a sore thumb. but i feel so preeetty when im all tan. not red however, so hopefully it will fade by the morning time. *crosses finger* i guess that's all ive got. please dont hate me for seeing mitch.... i love you all:) if i get hurt again i give you permission to tie me down somewhere. Let the sun beat through the clouds, Let me kiss you on the mouth. All my childhood toys with chew marks in your smile... in't that the cutest thing?
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