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oops
2003-10-19 at 3:41 p.m. im wishing i didn't send that letter right about now. mostly true, but also pretty vicious...and i was really trying to ya know, not talk to him. i keep neurotically saying "everything happens for a reason" so that i can justify it. i fear his response, if one comes at all. but i just hate being alone! hate it hate it hate it. give me a crush, a boyfriend, some sort of love interest. PLEASE. just place some cute boy in my life, in a class or two perhaps. something to look forward to. and could you make him tall, dark, and handsome? and im torn because he's still my best friend and i still want to see him. but, somedays it just doesn't work...other days it does. like right now i would give anything to just sit around and watch the game with him. but other times, like when hes going out that nite, or when he takes another girl to homecoming...i dont deal well. and ive been such a contradiction to myself. bouncing back and forth between friends and nothing. but i really think my heart is telling me to keep him as a friend. oh stupid stupid me. ill be okay. ending my diaries that way doesn't seem important anymore. boo.
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