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i hate you and you and you
2004-03-12 at 10:05 p.m. i am so overly frustrated with everyone and everything right now. my mom and i just got in some ridiculous fight, once again i was told what a horrible person i am who doesn't appreciate anything. thing is, i don't know what it is i do so terribly wrong. i dont like my mother, because i see all of my horrible traits in her. i learned to fight and bitch and moan and talk more than listen from her. she pisses me off at every turn, she really does. if my eyes move whatsoever she screams at me about rolling my eyes, and every answer i give is supposedly filled with attitude. so i walk away. i always walk away now. she comes storming into my room screaming where i repeatedly tell her that we are getting no where and that's why i left the room in the first place. this always leads to further ranting on her part, which tonight was to tell me that she IS A GOOD PERSON, ANYONE WOULD TELL ME THAT. that deserves all caps, because to make it lower case would take away even further from it's volume. please fucking burn me at the stake if im ever standing in my daughters room defending whether im a good person or not. i know what god damn type of person she is, and what the fuck does that have to do with our argument? i wanted to scream at her that the only reason she says those things to me is because she really wants to say them to everyone else. mitch and i got in some argument (we weren't arguing though, he claims) earlier today. which is my own damn fault because i promised myself i wouldn't even talk to him until i left. my fault for giving two shits. around 1 he promised to call back when he was done with whatever, and i have heard nothing from him. that's all really besides the point. sometimes i really want to strangle her, or myself, or someone. and my brother is home, and after a year of social work training, he seems to think he is freud. i always loved what he had to say and tonight i realized why. he complies to whoever is mad. says what they want to hear, and makes them out as the good guy. who wouldn't like that? i am tempted to go upstairs and say that to him. that his advice makes sense, but what's he going to do when the two people arguing are in the same room and both listening to him, not one sitting in her closet saying "i fucking hate her" and the other with him. maybe i hate people. maybe that's it.
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