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you know nothing
2004-04-16 at 5:03 p.m. im sitting here listening to music through a hideous blue boombox. why? because life hates me. the CD player on my computer no longer works, as well as any of my downloaded songs, seeing as my father deleted kazaa without asking me first. this wouldn't be such a huge deal if i hadn't spent 5 hours last night writing an english paper in pure silence. this on top of classes during the day, working for the rest of the day/night, then coming home and writing a 10 page paper. this on top of two weeks worth of nothing but school and work. nothing. this on top of having been sick for a week straight, and never fully getting better. obviously, i am sick again. also, a 43 year old man i work with has begun hitting on me and asking me out. i had to go pick up lunch with him the other day and as we stood in the line at ted's he leaned his head on my shoulder saying he was "so happy we were doing this together" and, once we had left how he was "so glad we got through that together" and he was "so proud to be seen with me". he then drove around aimlessly telling me that he wanted to ask me out. i kindly told him no, that he was a nice guy, but the age difference was too much. all he heard was "nice guy" and went on about how happy he was that i thought that. he then proceeded to tell some other workers how he can't stop thinking about me and how proud he was to stand in line with me. how fucked up is that? i am past disgusted. then yesterday another salesman was teasing me about something i had done and said that my punishment was to "bend over the old salesman's lap (meaning himself) and get spanked." why are woman so commonly regarded as meat? can someone please explain that to me? i feel like an item on a shelf that any person feels free to grab, inspect, and say lewd things to. i know i should file sexual harassment charges, but the job is extremely easy and i really need it. but i also realize that by doing nothing i let them think it's ok. i hate men. i really do. and, the highlight of my day, i finally came home today from sleeping 4 hours and attending classes from 9-3. i ask my mom if she'd like to go to the mall with me. she goes off on some sort of tangent that implies a no. she tells me to go with my friends, and i explain they are all working. and from the couch my father asks me "why dont you get a job?" why dont i get a job? not like i don't have a job that i am at every day that i dont have a full day of classes. not like i haven't spent more than two hours with my two best friends in the last three weeks. not like i don't still feel like shit. not like he knows ANYTHING about my life. then my mom comes down here, the only place i feel even remotely removed from them in this hell hole, and defends him. telling me that i shouldn't overreact. i shouldn't react to my father who has been unemployed on and off for years, who never went to college, criticizing me and comparing me to my friends without even realizing i work? i shouldn't slam a door or two because of this? i am going to lose it very soon. i am at my breaking point. men in this world have no respect for women, my father knows nothing about me, my social life is nonexistant, my God damn CD player wont work, and tomorrow i work from 9-5 and then babysit from 6:30-2. Dear World, FUCK YOU sincerely, me
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