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roll me up and smoke me!
2003-10-21 at 4:56 p.m. oh life is bigger, it's bigger than you. and you are not me. the lengths that i will go to, the distance in your eyes. oh no, i've said too much. i set it up. hello all:) i went to sociology today and the test i thought i bombed i got an 86 on!! this is awesome people. mind you it was after a 10 point curve, but with this grade and my other grades im pulling a B. thank God. i need a good grade in this class. mitch called around 11:15 to let me know he was home and that i could stop by. i went over around 12:30ish. i was a bit bummed to see he had taken down some pictures of me and added other pictures of everyone else. it's fine, but i also saw a picture of the girl he took to homecoming. she's gorgeous. absolutely fucking gorgeous. oh well. anyways, we hung out, he made me yummy french toast, helped me with my math homework, etc. his mom seemed excited to see me since it's been a while. i dropped him off at work and that's that. i went tanning again and my belly is a nice brown color:) my face is bound to look like a tomato in a few hours but it should fade by tomorow morning. and i smell like marijuana. this lotion they have is made from hemp and when you put it on it seriously smells like you're a rolled up joint, ready to smoke. my mom seemed to be sniffing around me when i came home. i had to consciously remind myself that, no, i wasn't stoned. i just reeked like i was. see how silly i am? i write about the most random shit when i force myself not to write about mitch. or when i don't have a boy to write about. i think that's the hardest part for me. i feel like i need that "other person" to be happy. i love having something to look forward to, something to get giddy over. and i've had this theory for a few months or so. after that first crush, that first innocent longing for someone, and your first "heartbreak" thats it. from then on it's just a series of trying to find a boy or leave a boy or please a boy. it's always there in the back of your mind, haunting you your entire life. then you get married. married and you have a family to take care of, and children you will worry about with crushes. and you'll still love that man you marry, and that will be what makes you happy. him and the children you made together. so, i've realized that i was pretty much screwed around 5th grade. perhaps my goal in life should be to be content as a single girl when being single comes my way. how unachieveable that sounds! i want to put my diary up for a diary review, but i fear they would rip me a new asshole for writing about such stupid shit or mitch. mostly mitch. in fact i pity the person who reviews this, unless of course they like to hear a 17 year old girl feel sorry for herself all the damn time. :) im happy, i swear i am:)
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