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my mojo's MIA
2003-10-22 at 7:52 p.m. you might think that this is easy for me, but there's a lot of things you don't know you don't care, you don't want to see. long while since i've got myself across but maybe there's a reason for that...even if I caught you i'd throw you back. say what you want, say what you mean, question yourself, are you really what you seem? say who you are, say what you mean, question yourself, are you really what you dream?well i really don't want to fall back because you don't seem like you care. and if I would fall back, you don't seem like you care. fall down your back. you dont seem like you care. i will not hold you back. you dont seem like you care those lyrics there are from quite possibly the greatest song ever. "hey hey" by dispatch. dispatch in general are awesome. i just got home from working out up at school, which ended up being quite the adventure. for one, melissa and i got lost. then we got there, worked out pretty problem free. i lost the key to our locker and had to go around this huge fitness room asking everyone if they'd seen it, when finally a guy in his late 50's on a stair stepper, sweating all over the damn place, said he'd found it. we leave, and as im driving back i almost hit a pedestrian. can i just say that there were no lights and she just like jumped outta no where. i was at least 10 feet away from hitting her, but still i scared the living shit out of myself, and her too im sure. that was a pointless story. i lack much else to discuss. i called mitch a bit ago because i have this huge blister and i asked him how to pop it because he always popped them for me. (*sigh*) he was in a cranky-pants mood however. im assuming his parents found out he skipped school yesterday. i also assume they think he did it to see me. which im pretty sure is the reason, but you'll have that. so, amanda lost some points there with the parentals. not my fault, i was planning on picking him up at the end of his school day, like any good ex girlfriend. he's the one who went home at 8am and smoked himself retarted. i just got the call and came over at 12. hes just so damn grouchy, and im so nice to him despite it. you'd think my niceness would wear off or he would appreciate it, but he doesn't seem to. and, its not my place to bitch, because i put myself back into this position. i keep hoping and praying for a change i suppose. my bad. i suppose i should really begin that search for mr. perfect now. or at least mr. ill-appreciate-amanda. which brings me, sortive, to my next point. ive realized that i dont remember how to flirt with boys. how sad is that? i honestly dont remember. i turn into a babbling idiot. it took me 20 minutes today to work up the courage to ask a boy next to me in the student union what time it was. he didn't even glance at me, just rattled off the digits. my self-asteem nose-dived. i dont think a single boy this year has yet to look at me for more than 2 seconds, and thats just to make sure he doesn't run into me. as much as i complain about my looks, i don't think im such a horrible looking person that i don't deserve the tiniest bit of attention. i really feel like i must be doing something wrong, or giving off some vibe. i smell, perhaps? someone clue me in here. i feel like a hopeless case! you guys would tell me if i was ugly, right? granted my boobs aren't the largest, and my nose isn't the cutest or smallest, and my eyes aren't blue, and i have ugly feet, but i was kind of hoping i made up for all that somewhere. but now that my personality has miraculously decided to fail me, im at a loss here. i lost my mojo!!
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