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nothin too important
2004-01-30 at 1:45 p.m. this weather is killing me. but is it weird that i feel okay today? i'm not sure what to do with this. there are things wrong, there are things right, but neither are phasing me. i'm...happy? could this be? and for no reason? i stopped into north on my way home from classes to drop off a lunch for mitch with a birthday card and some candy and food in it. i actually saw him in his classroom, and i was so tempted to catch his attention, but i let it go. walked to the main office and handed them his lunch. walked back out the doors. and then i took care of my shit. took care of all of the stupid errands i've been neglecting for so long. and i went tanning with the $10 i had left from the $100 i took out of the bank to pay missy back for the trip to nyc. i now have $31.19 in my account. i am not happy about this. i can't figure out where all this money goes. seems every week i get paid i owe it to someone. i can't get anywhere. i really need a second job. does anyone else feel like high school was millions of years ago? i wish i could do my senior over. i wish i could re-live some of the funny moments, and handle the sad moments better. and it literally aches for me that i wasted so much of it away waiting for this. THIS. college. commuting in the freezing cold, walking up the hill to Clemens everyday for english, cursing the entire way, knowing so few people, wasting a tank of gas a week. i know i couldn't handle another year there, but i just wish i had enjoyed it more. what i wouldn't give right now for my third period free with all of the girls to be able to gossip about people, share sex stories and penis sizes, be bitchy, laugh. and it really does seem so far away. and i only get to do it once. just that one time. i'm not really even talking regrets here. it just blows my mind that something that good only lasts 4 years. and what blows my mind even more is what comes after it. makes you forget what came before.
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