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that old feeling
2003-12-18 at 12:21 p.m. i want it all back. i want to feel like i can do anything. i want to feel beautiful and untouchable. i want to wake up all snuggly and happy. i want someone to think i am perfect because of my imperfections and my quirks. i love love love the beginning of a new relationship. i love the falling, and the feeling that you are untouchable. i love how interested the other person is in you and vise versa. i love the intensity of it all, and how beautiful each memory you make is. and im upset that it doesn't seem to last. so sad that it has been ripped out of my life. i dont need someone to be happy. i know that. that isn't what this is about. i just love those feelings. i love giving someone those feelings and receiving the same. i hate that time changes things and people. you cant get any of it back. i have a million memories, but all of them will never add up to one real moment in time. i want those feelings all the time. i want that to be my eternity and my life and my happiness. i want even the hardest times to be something that make me more thankful for the persons hand i have to hold. maybe i just want it all to be too easy. but, honestly how hard is it? find boy. love boy. receive love. circulate love. help each other through it all. love grows. love makes things so much easier. i know life is hard, i do i do i do, but love is so beautiful and wonderful that it corrects it all. i just want those feelings back so horribly. i want to feel powerful without end. it saddens me so much all that time can do to a person or persons. new york city was fun. i was more or less just blown away by it all. so huge, so busy, so crazy. i see now that i could never live there unless i was disgustingly rich. there's not much to say besides that. it was a nice time, but im not entirely sure it was worth the $170 for the plane ride down, and the additional $200 i spent there.
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