|
over-analyze
2003-11-08 at 6:26 p.m. and isn�t faith believing all power can't be seen? as the day progressed i started feeling worse and worse. my head is throbbing, i can feel the snot running through my entire body, my feet are sweating. it's just gross. i was supposed to go to dinner with someone i used to work with today, but i really just need to stay home and sleep. so i'm just going to sit at home tonight. lovely. and i'm having issues with the whole mitch thing. bite me and stop reading now if you're sick of me and my bitching. i go over our relationship in my head, and i still want him to be the person i marry. i said it from the day i first met him. i told my mom. granted i was 16 when i met him, and i'm still only 18, but it's just something i feel. everything with us just started so perfectly. it was an automatic understanding of the other, it was months of opening up to each other, it was becoming best friends. i guess in my heart or hearts i still see us marrying each other some day. ever since i was little i've told myself that i would know when i had found who i wanted to marry. maybe i'll look back at this in a few months, with a new person in my life, and disagree with myself. but, i just don't see it that way. people think i'm crazy for saying that i know i want to marry him, but why is it so absurd? i plan on living my life and being with other people and living for myself, by myself. but, in the end, i see myself curled up on a couch with him. i think i just needed to write all of that out at this moment in time. i just feel like it's all such bad timing. i know that means that there's more out there for me, other things and people to experience, but i still feel like it will come back to him. i could also be horribly horribly wrong. but no point in keeping it all inside. im not really unhappy. i know it sounds that way, but im okay right now. i just over-analyze everything. not even that. i guess i just like thinking. people yell at me for trying to predict the future, or constantly wanting to talk about it, but some days i just can't help myself. and once i've written it all out, like just now, i feel much better about it all. most commonly i've even changed my mind by the time it's all typed up here. i can't go on feeling two feet small...
previous & next
|
|