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piece of the greater whole
2004-02-18 at 11:22 p.m. i just read over my most recent entries, and i'm realizing that they don't reflect my abilities as a writer. when expressing my feelings, it's a lot harder for me to focus on grammar or spelling. so i'm torn between this diary being something presentable... witty, charming, well written or an outlet for myself... raw, not the best grammar, bitching. i think i'm somewhere in between the two right now. it's funny how much of a help this diary really is to me. it's incredible to me how many of my ideas have been sorted out here. the odd thing about it is that my entries are only temporary. i have discussed this somewhere in here before, but it seems more relevant nowadays. because, to be honest, i rarely look back on past entries for wisdom. i occasionally read my first entries, which are nothing more than descriptions of my daily routines. this is mostly just to compare where i was then and where i am now. i guess what i'm trying to say is i don't know who i'm writing for. i hope i do it for myself. but, its just, i know im trying to prove something about my writing abilities. and i'm hoping someone stumbles on my words and is inspired or touched. and i'm hoping that i receive good scores/comments on my diary reviews. i think i'd like to learn to mesh the two together; intelligent writing and raw emotion. hopefully i will naturally begin to write like this as i improve my writing skills and continue to be an over-emotional basketcase. but, im proud of my diary. i may not be able to cite the month, or even the year, that i wrote an entry, but i know it's here. i know it mattered when i wrote it. i know when i hit the "done!" button i was proud of what i had posted. each entry feels like an epiphany. someday i know i will be glad it's all safely tucked away in this little space of internet.
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