|
not poor you
2004-02-20 at 12:27 p.m. i'm skipping mythology again. i went once this week. i failed the first test. i love the stories, and the chopped off phallus's, and the love affairs. i just don't like the notes, and the tests, and the hour break i have between math and mythology. mitch called yesterday. it turns out another one of his friends died. a girl he used to be a camp counselor with...she was pregnant and went into labor prematurely and died. the baby lived. how horrible for that poor family and that poor poor baby. but, not poor mitch. when ali died i remember it was never a thought in my mind whether i should go to the funeral or not. i had no right to be there. i hope i'm struck dead if i ever go to someone's funeral who i was never friends with and honestly didn't particularly like. i know how horrible that sounds, i do, but it's honest. if she was still alive today, i would still see her the same way as i did before such a horrible thing happened. but, i felt for her close friends and her family. so i went to the wake and i gave hugs and i felt horrible for the family. never myself though. not ever myself. and, when my uncle died, who i loved so much, i didn't feel sorry for myself. i was sad because of what was lost, and i felt bad for my dad and my aunt's and uncle's and my grandma. but, not myself. because it's just not right. i would never have dared to go to ali's funeral. but, i watched people who had made fun of her every day of her life go to the funeral. that has nothing to do with paying your respects to her or honoring her life. you respect her by going to a wake and comforting her family and friends. you do not join those family and friends as they lay someone they love into the ground. you didn't love her, in fact some of you genuinely disliked her. i was so frustrated that day as i sat through all of my half empty classes. and i got the same feeling last night when he called. because it was an excuse for him. he felt sorry for himself. he felt sorry that he'd gone through witnessing so many deaths of aquantances and friends. he used it as an excuse for being mean to me. but, he doesn't take anything away from it. he doesn't see the value of a human life. no, he feels sorry that he lost a friends. that he's lost a few friends. that he has to go through this. that he can't focus on homework. i feel sorry for the family. i feel sorry for that baby without a mother. i feel bad for the people who were her closest friends, who saw her every day and loved her. i don't feel sorry for a boy that used her death as an excuse to not go to school, and to be mean to people, and to excuse his horrible behavior. i don't know if this makes me sound horrible or not. i would feel sorry for him if he called to say that he was sorry for her family and sad that he had lost a friend. but, he was sorry for himself. period. end of story. i hope to God i read everything that he said wrong. i really do. because i can't handle that he could be that far removed from who he once was.
previous & next
|
|