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somewhere out there
2004-09-14 at 12:03 p.m. i just realized/decided something. next time i take a savatical from here like i have, i want to come back with something big to tell you. i am going to find a way to get out of here. i am going to move onto bigger, brighter, and more wonderful things. i feel like so little has changed since my last entry. in all honesty, i feel as if so little has changed for me in the last year or so. i'm still holding onto the same things, and crying over the same things, and laughing way too little. i need to be in a not-so-secure environment for a while. i say it all the time, but i feel like i am literally wasting these years away. so, i hope, if i leave you this long again, which i am sure i will, that the next time i write i have something big to tell you. as for what really has come to pass... i have obviously started my second year at university of buffalo. my classes are so-so, not anything to be too excited about. mitch is gone. he broke up with me in an email after he had been at school for 5 days. he then "took it back" and wanted to stay together, but i clearly saw that it was not what he wanted. he says that what it comes down to is are we going to get married. he says, if we're supposed to, four years wont be that long. that this isn't about someone else, he doesn't want someone else, he wants me, but he thinks we both need time to ourselves. so, i sit, and i take it. and i slowly become more and more bitter. and life continues on in the same cycle it always has. i am discontent and mildly sad. worst of all, i miss him. but, most of all, i think i miss myself.
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