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thanksgiving break
2003-11-27 at 9:43 a.m. happy thanksgiving all:) ah, thanksgiving. dinner at my aunt's. a supposed dinner at mitch's. i don't want to go to his house. i can't pinpoint why. i think it's because the longer i'm away from him the less i feel. but in that second that i first seem him again it all comes crashing down. i hate and love that feeling at the same time. everyone's home. i saw christina yesterday, and went over to larry's to see all of the boys at night. over to visit heather later. it all felt...ok. just another reminder that it's not last year, and we're all going our separate ways in life. but it's ok to pretend, and it's ok to think it'll be the same next thanksgiving and the thanksgiving after that. i have regrets. i regret blowing away my senior year, i regret spending the majority of it with mitch or waiting around for mitch, i regret not enjoying things more. i should have complained less. i should have realized boyfriends don't last forever, but friends usually do. dont get me wrong, i didn't completely neglect anyone, i just pushed a lot of shit to the side for him. if it had been returned even half as much maybe it would have been ok. i just wish i had done more of what i wanted to. but, yes, seeing everyone was good. same old tensions, same old petty fights, same old cigarette and pot smokers, same old cases of beer, same house, same ping-pong table and back porch, same people in numbers, not necesarily personalities. it was partially just what i needed, and partially not.
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