|
thoughts
2003-10-06 at 11:58 p.m. hey, has anybody ever been ready to have hours of mind-blowing sex with their ex-boyfriend, only to get your period in the middle of it? no? oh. must just be me. i left a permanent mark on his bed sheets. woo woo. not the coolest thing ever, but we had a most enjoyable laugh about it all. then climbed into the shower to clean ourselves up, and laugh even more. he cooked me some food, we sat around naked together talking. we actually smoked together by ourselves for the first time. and, as much as im not very happy with myself, i didn't get upset at all this afternoon, or even now. i was too numb to do my right-after thinking. it got me through the first of it all. he gave me this amazing tommy hilfiger body pillow. of course, hes not done with it though. hes sewing me a fleece pillowcase for it, and apparently something else goes with it. i wish i had that pillow to sleep with tonite... but, you know what? i realize im going to be ok. i'm going to take some time to take care of me. after all, im all ive really got. this is my life, and although im not in complete control of what happens to me, i am in control of how i deal with it. i refuse to let this bring me too far down. im going to make it through so i can look back at this years down the road and know that i am strong enough. there will be more heartbreaks, but they are just moments in my life. i know he'll be there in the end if i show up at his house looking for a hug. there will continue to be bad days, but i know that there will be good ones as well. i just need to learn to live without him again before i can determine if i could ever be a part of him down the road. if i was ok before him, i can be ok after. i would just love to have the in between time again later down the road.
previous & next
|
|