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im a toys r us kid
2002-11-23 at 1:02 a.m. tonite was pretty gay. we rented a hotel room for melissas birthday where everyone sat around drinking and smoking. i didn't drink and i obviously didnt smoke. john and i ended up driving around by ourselves for the last 45 minutes and talking. its funny, i didnt realize how much this year has sucked. if i could redo anything it would be the first 4 months of my junior year. everything went amazing. i had everything going with steve (good at the time) there was always a party to go to, and my friends and i were always finding something to do. and i miss that. we also talked about all the times we had smoked. and, see, just tonite i rememeninced for the first time about singing im a little teapot, wedged between the back seat and the front seat of johns car, incapable of moving, stoned as fuck off of keiths "birthday present". i also remember going to grab a beer in slow-mo and knocking my eye on the table, and not realizing what had caused the bruise until days later. i remember just sitting there, not knowing whether i was drunk or high, or both, and laughing hysterically. i remember sitting around with four of my closest guy friends and staring at a pop bottle. one of us saw a smurf, another saw himself climbing a mountain, i saw a strobe light. i remember the nights where everything was one big blur in front of my face and i came home to sit at this computer with my hood up and my head bobbing up and down because i was so trashed. im not saying i want to smoke again. im not saying that i regret not smoking for almost 9 months now. im just saying i miss that innocence. i hadnt been caught, i experimented as i wanted, i did whatever the hell i wanted. and the thing is--i grew up. i remember how good it was and how amazing i felt, but my mind knows to not do it. i dont wish my mind was any different, but i wish i could relive that time all over again. i loved that.
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